Living Abroad

Me: “Bla bla….Excuse me but do you know if the buses are running?.

.bla….bla bla nice weather for ducks…… much is that?……..bla……bla…

watch out for that dog poo……bla….bla…bla.”

Any Random Stranger “Oh, what part of Australia are you from?”
Me: “New Zealand”
Random Stranger: “Oh Sorry! That’s a major insult to a Kiwi isn’t it?”
Me: “No, there’s worse things to say…”
Random Stranger: “Oh sorry – but same thing really”.
Me: “Really? Is England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales the same thing?

(Actually, are France and Britain the same thing? Because, I heard that the residents of France speak French and the residents of England speak English. They both have their own COMPLETELY different cultures and EVERYTHING!)

Random Stranger: “Yeah, but they are next to each other aren’t they?”
Me: “NO! From the two closest points (Auckland and Sydney) it’s a whopping 1,343 miles.”
Random Stranger: “Wow! That far away?!? But they look so close on the map?”
Me: “Does the Britain look SO close to Russia? – because that is the kind of distance we are talking about.”

Random Stranger: “New Zealand’s got more sheep than people hasn’t it?”
My internal thought: I’d rather be talking to a sheep right now.
(AND what is this preoccupation with sheep? Wales has more sheep than people too……do the Welsh get told that super interesting fact every time they met a NON-Welsh person.)

Random Stranger: “Why on earth would you leave such a beautiful country to live here anyway?”
My internal thought: After 20 years of the exact same line of questioning – I am starting to wonder.
What I really say….
” Yeah, well I’m not really that outdoorsy, I don’t follow sport, and I got the feeling all those sheep were planning a coup.”

Random Stranger: “But all that lovely warm weather – it always looks so sunny on Home & Away.”
My internal thought: !!!!!!!!

Random Stranger:” So were you pleased with the result then?”
My internal thought: WTF!…..Result for what? The Great British Bake off final? The X-Factor winner? Britain’s Got Talent?
Me: “Result?”
Random Stranger: “The All Blacks!”
Me: “Uh?….did they play then”
Random Stranger: “What? You’re a Kiwi and you don’t LIKE Rugby?!?”
My internal thought: I’m starting to like it slightly more than you.

Random Stranger: “Soon you’ll be telling me you’re from New Zealand and you don’t like eating fish!”
Me: “I don’t like eating fish”
Random Stranger: “So not EVEN Cod ? Have you tried Cod? That’s a non-fishy tasting fish.”
My internal thought: I’ll just stick to all those other ‘non-fishy tasting’ foods like chicken thanks.

Random Stranger: “So I guess you come from Auckland then?”
Me: “No, Taranaki.”
Random Stranger: “Where’s that?”
Me: “About a 4-5 hour drive from Auckland”
Random Stranger: “I thought New Zealand looked small on the map. Is it really that big?”
My internal thought: You’d be surprised in some crudely fashioned maps and globes like the kind you would see on children’s TV or in children’s books – the “Map God” leaves it out COMPLETELY.

Random Stranger: “So, do you know Peter Jackson then?”
“No, but I could introduce you to a rabid sheep if you like?”

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