“Why Are They ALWAYS Poorly?!?!?”

After about 10 days of Miss L, waking around 3-4 times a night screaming in pain with her perforated ear drum. Last night Master D, decides he doesn’t DO sleep and has become strangely Velcro-like and cries loudly until he is in my arms…. But there are rules.

1. I’m not allowed to lie beside him and cuddle (snooze).

2. I HAVE to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Chocolate Bar on LOOP.

3. I have to hold him at a 45 degree angle whilst sitting BOLT upright and pat his bottom.

If I accidentally nod off for a micro second, he has a hysterical crying fit for a few minutes and I have to re-settle him. I’ve been sitting here all night coming up with ways to exact my revenge on him when he’s an adult. Frankly, it’s the ONLY thing that’s been keeping me going. None of that “Mother’s Love” bollocks…..that went out the window around 3 am when I got the words for Twinkle, Twinkle Chocolate Bar mixed up with Twinkle, Twinkle Traffic Lights and he flung his head back in rage and head butted me on the nose. Have a good day peeps……to my childless friends. Think of me when you’re using the bathroom WITHOUT a snotty, crying baby perched on your knee (yep). Think of me when you are eating an actual meal and not just half chewed toddler left overs. Think of me as you lie in a lush, hot bubbly bath and NOT in one that has your offspring AND their “little gifts” bobbing about (and NO there’s NO such thing as TOO much Detol in that situation). Think of me when you sit down to watch the latest cinema release, because I will be watching the same episode of Baby Jake played 5 times in a row and the whole show lasts for 11 minutes. {Yucky, yucky Oggy do do dee, baa baa, bo bo you see}

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